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- Sit. Stay. Testify.
Sit. Stay. Testify.
This newsletter is Under Oath
This week’s newsletter is all about training and testimony - two things that go hilariously off the rails. First, we’re digging into whether those puppy classes actually make your dog a well-behaved adult or just really good at faking it for treats. Then, we’re heading into the courtroom, where people have said some truly unbelievable things... under oath. Oh - and if you haven’t grabbed a Father’s Day cookie box yet, your dog said Dad deserves cookies and credit. Check off a to-do item - Place your order now for the Father’s Day cookie box before they sell out.
Got a dog with main character energy? We want to see them! Send us a pic and a little backstory at [email protected], and your pup could be featured in an upcoming newsletter (yes, fame is just one adorable photo away). While you're at it, check out the Fido Family newsletter because it's packed with helpful, non-boring info about keeping your dog healthy, happy, and maybe a little spoiled. Oh, and don’t forget: we’ve got a free guide on dog-safe plants you can use so your home can be cute and canine-approved. Who doesn’t love a freebie? 🌿🐾
- Naimh
-In today’s edition
She Graduated. Now she Eats Shoes.
Paws Up, Dog Parents. 🐾 Join our Fido Family!
The Court Is Adjourned… from Logic
Sassy Max graduated with honors in sit, stay, and selective listening.
What’s Wrong With Your Dog?
She Graduated. Now she Eats Shoes.
You’ve done it. You brought home a little furball who thinks your shoes are chew toys and the Roomba is a demon sent to destroy the household. Naturally, you sign up for puppy classes because if toddlers go to preschool, surely your dog needs to learn something besides “eat remote, destroy couch.”
But here’s the real question: Do puppy classes actually make a lasting difference, or are they just glorified puppy parties where the humans leave with drool on their pants and a $200 bill (to which I hear my father say in my head money doesn’t grow on trees)?
Rest assured, those group sessions aren’t just chaos with leashes. Multiple studies show that early puppy classes lead to better behavior long-term including less aggression, less anxiety, and more obedience. Think of it like behavioral Botox (yeah, we’re goin’ there): The earlier you start, the smoother things are down the road (well, literally smoother in the case of Botox). One study in the Journal of Veterinary Behavior found that dogs who attended structured puppy classes were still showing better manners years later. They weren’t perfect angels (who is?) but they weren’t barking at shadows or plotting your downfall every time you picked up the nail clippers. I’ll take it.
The catch? Those classes only stick if you do the homework. Going to one class and expecting your dog to be the next Lassie is like doing one yoga class and waiting for inner peace. You’ve got to keep practicing those sits, stays, and “please stop humping the neighbor’s labradoodle” cues. Otherwise, your dog will happily forget everything you both learned (cause you need to be trained too) and go back to living their best feral life.
The verdict: Puppy classes work. But they’re not magic. They’re like therapy or gym memberships: You get out what you put in. And your dog? Well, they're just hoping class ends with snacks and not another awkward group “sit.” And be patient - my little one failed beginner class even though we worked daily on the discipline even when not in the three classes per week. But we retook beginner, and not only did he pass but he was showing up the other dogs (some of which failed) and then he went on to intermediate. Patience and reinforcement is key. I have the smartest lil one to show for it!
Proud Parent
Paws Up, Dog Parents. 🐾 Join our Fido Family!
We are glad you like Fido Fly and are part of this community who loves dogs. We would like to invite you to receive Fido Family, a weekly email that digs deep into dog topics such as step-by-step training guides and vet-approved health information. Importantly, it also provides guidance and tools for human health because we need to be in good shape to take care of our pups. Because our community is a dog-loving family, it’s called Fido Family, and gets delivered every Tuesday.
Watch out, posh up, and low down
Squeak Danger: It’s a possibility
Posh Up: Don’t be sad
Realist: What a ham
Daily Superfood Support for Aging, Medium-to-Large Dogs
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Culture
The Court Is Adjourned… from Logic
All rise - order in the court… eh… courtrooms are supposed to be serious places with gavels and very bad coffee. But every so often, something magical happens. A witness, a lawyer, or even a judge says something so absurd, so wonderfully human, that the entire courtroom temporarily turns into a sitcom. These quotes are real. Verified. Sworn under oath. Probably with a straight face. Enjoy the laughs.
Judge: “You claim you didn’t enter the house?”
Defendant: “Exactly.”
Judge: “But your fingerprints are on the inside of the window.”
Defendant: “That was self-defense.”
Lawyer: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.”
Lawyer: “Do you know if your daughter has been involved in voodoo or the occult?”
Witness: “We both attend yoga. Is that what you mean?”
Attorney: “So, what gear were you in at the moment of the impact?”
Witness: “Gucci sweats and Crocs.”
Lawyer: “What is your date of birth?”
Witness: “July 18th.”
Lawyer: “What year?”
Witness: “Every year.”
Lawyer: “Can you tell the court what the deceased said when you approached him?”
Witness: “He said nothing. He was deceased.”
Attorney: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
Witness: “You’re serious?”
Lawyer: “All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?”
Witness: “Oral.”
(pause)
Lawyer: “No, I meant… never mind.”
Attorney: “And what happened then?”
Witness: “He told me I had a face like a donkey’s backside.”
Attorney: “Did you retaliate?”
Witness: “Yes. I told him I hoped his Wi-Fi never connects again.”
Judge: “You’re telling me you ran because you were scared of the noise?”
Defendant: “Yes, Your Honor. Loud things make me flee. That’s science.”
Judge: “Sir, it was a sneeze.”
Prosecutor: “You claim you didn't touch the items in question?”
Defendant: “No sir, I hovered. Like a respectful ghost.”
Lawyer: “Can you explain what this diagram shows?”
Witness: “It shows a man with very poor drawing skills.”
Judge: “Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?”
Defendant: “Yeah. I’d like to pass.”
Judge: “Denied.”
Defendant: “Didn’t think it would work. Worth a shot.”
Lawyer: “Did you blow your horn or anything?”
Witness: “After the accident?”
Lawyer: “Before the accident.”
Witness: “Sure, I played the trumpet in high school.”
Attorney: “What is your occupation?”
Witness: “I’m a ninja.”
Attorney: “Excuse me?”
Witness: “I work nights. Quietly. It’s classified.”
Judge: “You’ve already been warned. Do you have anything further to add?”
Defendant: “Yes, Your Honor. This whole thing feels very anti-me.”
Final verdict? Occasionally, courtrooms are where logic goes to take a nap and humor sneaks in through the back door. So next time you think you’ve said something awkward in public, just remember: somewhere out there, a man once tried to plead “not guilty” to burglary because he “got lost and tripped through a window.” Under oath.
He takes the pup on walks, lets them hog the bed, and pretends not to notice the chewed-up slippers. This Father's Day, celebrate the man who’s a great pet parent and friend. Our limited-edition cookie box includes treats for both him and his pup - plus a personalized card that’ll make his heart (and his tail) wag.
Only a small batch available - once they’re gone, they’re gone. Orders are closed on June 9 or when they sell out. All cookie boxes ship on June 11 for arrival prior to Father’s Day.
Chuckle
The fib is C. The stenographer’s keyboard is called a stenotype and has 22 keys.
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